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Who am I?



Well I am not the guy in the picture on the homepage, I can tell you that much.

But I really want to be.

Who am I? It is such a simple question that one would think it would be easy to answer, yet it seems to be increasingly difficult to answer as I get older.

Why does it seem like finding your purpose in life is so difficult, like walking through a sandstorm, blindly making your way hoping it is the right direction.

I remember as a teenager listening to the lyrics of Baz Luhrmann’s “Sunscreen” song(Everybody’s Free) song and one line in the lyrics made a particular impression on me; “The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.”

It boggled my young hormone riddled mind that anyone in their 40’s would not know what to do with their lives. How can you be that old and not know!

Yet here I am, pushing 40 and I am sitting with that exact question and I wonder, how did I get here?

It sometimes feels like I went to bed one night as a healthy, happy teenager and woke up in this overweight, middle aged body the next morning, drowning in debt and responsibilities.

It turns out I am also not the only one with that question. An old friend of mine from school days recently asked me something during one of our catch-up calls that really struck hard.

“We are not doing bad, we have great jobs and families so why are we struggling? Why are we unhappy?”

I did not know what to tell him but I knew he had a point, I had been struggling with that question for at least two years already and I thought it is high time I found an answer, so I put an action plan together.

What I have realised is that very few people stumble upon their  purpose and a fulfilled life by accident. It takes a plan, conscious choices and determination. It is reassuring to know that I am not the only one struggling with this question but at the same time I find it incredibly heartbreaking that so many are struggling with this. We need to change that.

This site is part of that for me. It is my journal and the chronicle of my journey in finding my happiness in life again and I will be sharing what I learn along the way.

Welcome to my adventures in middle class life,where the story is about the search for a lost, happy teenager trapped in a different life,  where the femme fatale is usually a glazed pastry and the around every dark cubicle corner lurks yet another deadline.

Quintus Smit


Picture of Quintus Smit




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